MD: There is Movement When We are Still

I learned last week to be still.

I admittedly am a bit of a brat.  With that said, I am quite thankful and blessed that my mother is willing and able to let me stay with her while I am waiting to leave for South Africa.  She even let me store all of my belongings in and around her house (including my furniture—no storage fees yeah). However, I am really uncomfortable being in this state of transition and finding it, surprisingly, an interesting challenge.

Yes, I know I willingly walked away from my job and my life in Philly.  I was walking towards a life of adventure and international travel though!!!  So far my adventures are trying to manage my finances (or lack thereof) with the onset of unanticipated bills, navigating the remote area of Maryland where my mother resides, trying not to feel constricted living in someone else’s space when I am not as spiritually or physically free as I would be in my own space, and completing the maze that is the Peace Corps Medical Paperwork (two months later I am almost finished).  As I said, I can be a brat.  I acknowledge as I am complaining, I am also having a lot of fun meeting up with old friends in DC and hanging out with my family. 

I really think the bigger thing is I kind of lost my purpose as I moved into this phase of transition. I didn’t have anything that I really needed to get up and accomplish on a daily basis.  Plus, I have been talking about what I was going to do for over a year, and I am ready to just do it now.  Being the slightly type A person that I am, I busied myself over the past couple of weeks finding marketing consulting projects, looking for bartending jobs, and applying to temp jobs to solve my financial concerns and give me those all so vital action items to add to my to do list!

The Lord revealed to me through a conversation with a business advisor that this is not a period of transition, but preparation!  The advisor first cautioned me to stay focused during this period.  His words reminded me of a sermon I heard earlier in the year. The minister said, when God gives you a promise don’t concern yourself with “how” it will come into fruition instead stay focused on “what” is God’s promise.   God gave me the vision of SOULjourner Art, an online art gallery that would assist artisans in developing countries.  And here I was with the blessing of an abundant amount of free time, and I wasn’t using it to build a foundation to bring my vision into reality.  And why?  Because I questioned the how.  I was concerned about the prospect of my future provisions. 

My business advisor asked me if the first time I saw my vision if it scared me.  Admittedly, at first I was rejoicing to have an understanding of how the Lord wanted to use me. Now though, it all freaks me out!!!  He shared that when something comes from the Lord, it is always so big that you could never accomplish it on your own.  This is so you will depend on the Lord to achieve it.

He advised me to use this time to spiritually equip myself.  Find a Bible verse that aligned with my company’s mission and vision.  Identify someone in the Bible whose story paralleled the journey I was about to embark on.  These would then become my foundation to ensure I was living and moving forward in purpose!

This actually is one of the things that helped me through my previous service in the Peace Corps.  Moses’ story of being lost in the wilderness with the Israelites was a reminder to me to wait on the Lord and heed his word.  He sent me to Benin and the Peace Corps for a reason and despite my struggles I had to endure to gain the wisdom he intended for me through that experience. The 23^rd Psalm was also my comfort on nights when I was scared and lonely.

Since I talked to my business advisor friend, the Lord has revealed to me the 2^nd Proverbs, 37^th Psalm, and the story of Enoch.  I am still trying to find the right verses and stories though.  Please leave a comment if you have any recommendations.  I am also walking away from my distractions including some of my consulting projects. This phase of my life is about surrendering to the Lord’s will and not making decisions based on my own accord. I appreciate my friend/advisor for the reminder.  Feel free to also remind if I forget again!!!

-Mei